Writing is something that I need. I have so many thoughts swirling around in my head that I have to write them down in order to figure them out. If you’ve never had a conversation with me, you will have run into one or both of these things:
- My A.D.D – where I go off on tangents or ask you a few questions before you’re done speaking
- Fail miserably at articulating my thoughts and/or argument
I promise you I am intelligent. I just have so much going on upstairs that I don’t know how to put it all into words without it getting jumbled. This is where writing things down is my savior. I don’t even know what I really want to say until I have it sorted out into readable words.
As with any savior, you form a love and a bond. After I discovered writing as a passion, I thought that I had the key to my own happiness. This was my golden ticket to Willy Wonka’s Chocolate factory. I found what I wanted to do for the rest of my life. I was thrilled to be working towards becoming a full-time blogger, with the notion that I would be blissful forever.
That’s what they tell you, right? Once you do what you love for a living, you never work a day in your life.
After a long honeymoon phase with writing, where I thought I was living the dream, I was ready for a quick divorce. Writing became my biggest burden more than my greatest outlet. With the notion that writing should never feel like work, I stopped.
I thought that if I didn’t enjoy it all of the time, then it definitely wasn’t for me. I thought because I ran into bad times, times when writer’s block was real, moments when I wanted to throw the computer at the wall, instances where I had to force myself to write a word, writing wasn’t the key to my happiness. Silly in retrospect but I was under a delusion fed to me for years, so cut me some slack. My naive mind believed what it wanted to.
So I learned the hard way, as I have for most things, that this notion of “never work a day in your life” is a fantasy. A big fat joke. I think this is the biggest load of bull that I have ever been fed. I wish I had never believed it so wholeheartedly because of course any job is still a job, even your dream one.
Whenever you are required do something, even on your own terms, there will still be difficult times. Times when you don’t want to do it anymore. You would pay money to stop doing this thing that you love.
I’m sure Stephen Spielberg has days when he had enough of directing. He’s taken long stretches of time off from directing films to unwind. I’m sure on set he gets frustrated with actors or the scene just isn’t right. But he always comes back to it. Jay-Z has taken long strings of time off from rapping. I’m sure he was over going on long energy draining tours and spending long hours in the studio trying to get the tracks just right.
The thing is, they always go back. Spielberg always goes back to directing and producing films. How many times has Jay-Z “retired”? Only to go back into the studio and drop an epic album. Another Blueprint for the world.
The few days of frustration and dread doing what you love are nothing compared to the constant self-doubt that comes with doing something you have no passion for. I know I’ve asked myself too many times, “what am I doing with my life?” and “why am I living this way?”, while sitting within the confines of my cubicle not writing.
Moral of the story is, there is nothing in the world you are going to love 24/7, and that’s okay. Even your dream job is going to have moments of sucky-ness. Factor in that you have to do these things to make money and you have a recipe for times of dread. Add in the aspect of forced creativity and you have yourself an old, rotten, cheery on top.
Your dream job isn’t going to be perfect, and sometimes it’s going to suck. But you know what?that’s okay. As long as you know this is your passion, your savior, and your key, you are doing just fine.
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